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Dead Reflections

by Homesick

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1.
Adesso 02:31
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Make love mean something again Make love mean something I won’t regret Make love mean something I’m screaming out of my bones I’m crawling out of my skin I’m asking God to send help for this hell I’m in I got a lot of problems and I don’t want to solve a single one Enemy of my mother, enemy of my lover Enemy, take me away to the top of a place where I feel safe Can you peace of mind, if you find the time? Give me peace of mind
2.
Sixth Year 04:21
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Change over time is a universal, inescapable occurrence So why did you think I was the only exception? You asked me if that ring I gave you meant anything I said, "I don't want someone else, I just want myself back" I'm a boy with a broken compass and no sense of direction All I know is that I'm never at home I'll just put my hood up so I can't see behind me And walk until I can breathe easy With my self destructive tendencies Shutting down, shutting out the world I lost myself, is there anything left to lose? Now I'm growing Am I growing? As we sat on the floor with heavy hearts and shallow breath, I couldn't force the words across my teeth The pain in her eyes reflecting the pain in mine I've never seen so much ruin But I'm tired of the talks that always end in tears And it's been nothing but for the past three years I love the relapse but I hate the aftermath Tell me you don't need me, tell me you don't want me My chemical imbalance makes me the perfect melancholy poster child I guess I'll go on living, but a piece of me died and the blade CPR isn’t working so well I didn't care enough about you, darling, because I didn't care enough about myself And God don't let these prayers fall on deaf ears Because that would be the most tragic thing to happen this year
3.
Tulips 03:17
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There is a necessary physical aspect of love And I’m not talking about sex in any way, shape, or form I’m talking about being able to fill my lungs with your hair, feel your skin, and taste your lips I’m talking about love sparks The static I feel when you run your fingers across my stomach And it’s the absence of that physicality that makes my heart ache in ways you’ve never known before Because I can hear your voice but I can’t feel you And I can look at every picture of your sunshine eyes But darling, they won’t give me the same warmth And if I can’t hold you, how do you expect me to hold myself together? I’ve got insomnia but at least my dog does too And I can’t fall asleep when I’m wondering about you It’s the loneliness that gets the best of me I swear to God that it’s the loneliness Now I spend too much time staring at the screen Hoping someone will show up and show some interest in me But honestly, I’d much rather let these sleeping dogs lie to me and tell me I’m not so lonely Constantly idealizing and idolizing an idea that I’ve conjured up in my head And made it out to be something that’s reality, when in reality, it was just wishful thinking Now I don’t have someone to put their forehead to mine and tell me I’ll be fine Someone to say, “I’ll be there, I’m not going anywhere,” and so on and so on and so on… At this point, I’m an extra, a body in the background Someone to take up space and take the place of empty scenery If I keep playing a secondary character, I’ll never forget how to be sad And I find that I keep asking myself, Why would I want to love these people when they’re all liars, they’re cowards, they’re fakes And most of the time, they’re all of the above But these are the ones I’ll keep chasing after Hoping eventually they’ll change, but I won’t get my hopes up I kiss you until your tongue was numb and our lips were chapped I would hold you close I could make the flowers bloom for you, but I won’t Darling, I’m sick but I won’t admit it
4.
Glutton 02:46
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We all sit on a cloud of lies Ignorance is bliss with hazel eyes School halls, concrete walls Submit yourself to collect your wealth Politics is a money game Politics is money and fame Eat the rich, build a brick wall Live your life, watch the world fall We’re all dying here Heaven, what will you do when you’re six feet under the ground? Your expensive won’t get you far All your clothes, all your shoes Lose your phone and find your soul All the lies, all the cheats All the fakes that make their way to the top And you disregard everybody else as you play God In the clouds, looking down Play your games and watch them drown Your mind is vile You’re a wolf in sheep’s wool You’re a catcall and an offer of a cocktail Then you’ll do what you want, because daddy pays the bail
5.
Adrift 01:24
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I want to disappear I’ve wasted all my years I’m terrified to close my eyes In fear of what I’ll see A soul hiding behind bones Watching as this body I call mine Moves through life Always breaking down The aching heart inside his chest grows cold Afraid to fall in love Because he knows the sin that lives deep within his brain I’ll make you miserable
6.
Three Clicks 04:55
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This is what it feels like My body’s going cold God, was I not meant to be one of your sheep? Left to live life in anxiety Cause I keep hurting myself when all I want is peace Make good choices, he said Your regrets will haunt you in the end You think you know me, but you don’t know what I do So don’t tell me how to cope with what I’ve been through Because I’ve had a family and a God that’s loved me my whole life But a heart and mind full of strife Lonely fights, those same long drives, panic attacks, and random cries And it just didn’t seem worth it that night Keep your head above water Don’t let your demons drag you down I’ve got more life left in me Than I let myself believe
7.
Disdain 05:49
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You put me in a cage and locked the door You put me away, now you're not even in my life I'll let the smoke fill up my lungs Because my body is a wasteland And I'm giving up Now your mind shuts out all of our six years While your words of love now fall on his ears Now I'm learning to live with all the damage you dealt Maybe I wouldn't have thought about killing myself If I had left I got by placing blame and pointing fingers You tore me down when you said you were behind me Take me away from this place I've been mistaken It was all those long drives and office-filled nights that I thought were my therapy But really they were just distracting me from looking into the mirror And seeing emptiness echo inside of my eyes My disdain for you should have been disdain for myself Even though I was the one who put your picture face down on the shelf I would never analyze the lies that I told to you and that I told to myself And it was always out of fear of realizing That I'm tired of being a ghost and haunting your name Because the truth is I was the sinner and you were the saint But I would never tell myself I was the one to blame Maybe I'm to blame for my lack of love Maybe I'm at fault for my own downfall You took the fire from my heart You stole the dreams from my head You gave me these dead eyes But I'll claim these scarred legs Your edges are scattered in my dreams You're off my heart, get out of my head
8.
Kitchen Hands 04:34
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I miss my mother’s kitchen hands I miss that place in front of the sink we used to stand When I moved out of home, I was looking for myself And all I found were cigarettes and pulling books off the shelf I miss those small talks with my dad We weren’t all that close, so it’s really all we had And he said, “Son, one day you’ll be a man” Well God I hope so, that’s the plan I know you miss me I know you want me back, mom I won’t come back home Annie, I’m sorry that I don’t come home every night I know you’re waiting there for me I miss the warm hours I’ll buy my mom flowers if I could feel at home Run your fingers my hair Tell me you wish I was still there
9.
Altar Call 04:27
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No one sees it, no one understands I guess I'm all alone with no one to hold my hand I'll stick to my bed and my heavy head When it comes to things that you don't understand Even my PIN number is haunted by the memory of you Pumping gas, getting coffee, and buying food All the love letters and sweaters I'd never wear Now stuffed in the back of my closet hoping out of sight out of mind holds true I hate that I still write songs about you I hate that a year later you're still in the back of my brain I hate that you'll listen to this and remember all the pain we caused each other But we didn't know any better so who's really to blame I want so badly to kiss you again See if your taste has changed like your hair God save my soul Lord break my legs Don't let me leave until I'm dead Reaching for bones I'm reaching for dust Reaching for hope I'm not reaching for us
10.
Allora 05:11
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I've got sin in my head, I've got sin in my chest I've got sin in my veins, I've got sin in my brain God save a sinner's mind I guess there's no room in the back of your brain for a burnout For your best friends, for his birthday Hold me close, don't let me go You were the sunrise outside my window You've got sin in your veins, you've got sin in your brain You've got sin in your head, you've got sin in your chest God save a sinner's heart I tried rinsing my lips with every other girl's spit Because I was tired of tasting like you, abused My body is a wasteland Cigarettes help me forget all the problems with my head Cigarettes help me forget all the things that make me wish I were dead Cigarettes and smelly clothes are okay with all my friends But is this where I thought I'd be one year ago? Blacking out, throwing up, and sleeping all day Four walls, whatever you call these nights filled with smoke All I wanted was love, but all I got was lust That left me broken, and now I'm throwing my first through the wall I'm just a body breathing in your bed, spending the night inside of my own head Loneliness was the ghost in my apartment, and you were right there beside it My friends were beside me to fight it I won't let these ghosts haunt me

credits

released September 21, 2018

written and performed by homesick
mixed and mastered by zakk garcia

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Homesick Huntington, West Virginia

Ben Miller - Vocals/Guitar

Veronica Stanley - Guitar

Charles Chambers - Bass

Blake Viars-Wilks - Drums

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