There is a necessary physical aspect of love
And I’m not talking about sex in any way, shape, or form
I’m talking about being able to fill my lungs with your hair, feel your skin, and taste your lips
I’m talking about love sparks
The static I feel when you run your fingers across my stomach
And it’s the absence of that physicality that makes my heart ache in ways you’ve never known before
Because I can hear your voice but I can’t feel you
And I can look at every picture of your sunshine eyes
But darling, they won’t give me the same warmth
And if I can’t hold you, how do you expect me to hold myself together?
I’ve got insomnia but at least my dog does too
And I can’t fall asleep when I’m wondering about you
It’s the loneliness that gets the best of me
I swear to God that it’s the loneliness
Now I spend too much time staring at the screen
Hoping someone will show up and show some interest in me
But honestly, I’d much rather let these sleeping dogs lie to me and tell me I’m not so lonely
Constantly idealizing and idolizing an idea that I’ve conjured up in my head
And made it out to be something that’s reality, when in reality, it was just wishful thinking
Now I don’t have someone to put their forehead to mine and tell me I’ll be fine
Someone to say, “I’ll be there, I’m not going anywhere,” and so on and so on and so on…
At this point, I’m an extra, a body in the background
Someone to take up space and take the place of empty scenery
If I keep playing a secondary character, I’ll never forget how to be sad
And I find that I keep asking myself,
Why would I want to love these people when they’re all liars, they’re cowards, they’re fakes
And most of the time, they’re all of the above
But these are the ones I’ll keep chasing after
Hoping eventually they’ll change, but I won’t get my hopes up
I kiss you until your tongue was numb and our lips were chapped
I would hold you close
I could make the flowers bloom for you, but I won’t
Darling, I’m sick but I won’t admit it
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