1. |
Adesso
02:31
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Make love mean something again
Make love mean something I won’t regret
Make love mean something
I’m screaming out of my bones
I’m crawling out of my skin
I’m asking God to send help for this hell I’m in
I got a lot of problems and I don’t want to solve a single one
Enemy of my mother, enemy of my lover
Enemy, take me away to the top of a place where I feel safe
Can you peace of mind, if you find the time?
Give me peace of mind
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2. |
Sixth Year
04:21
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Change over time is a universal, inescapable occurrence
So why did you think I was the only exception?
You asked me if that ring I gave you meant anything
I said, "I don't want someone else, I just want myself back"
I'm a boy with a broken compass and no sense of direction
All I know is that I'm never at home
I'll just put my hood up so I can't see behind me
And walk until I can breathe easy
With my self destructive tendencies
Shutting down, shutting out the world
I lost myself, is there anything left to lose?
Now I'm growing
Am I growing?
As we sat on the floor with heavy hearts and shallow breath,
I couldn't force the words across my teeth
The pain in her eyes reflecting the pain in mine
I've never seen so much ruin
But I'm tired of the talks that always end in tears
And it's been nothing but for the past three years
I love the relapse but I hate the aftermath
Tell me you don't need me, tell me you don't want me
My chemical imbalance makes me the perfect melancholy poster child
I guess I'll go on living, but a piece of me died and the blade CPR isn’t working so well
I didn't care enough about you, darling, because I didn't care enough about myself
And God don't let these prayers fall on deaf ears
Because that would be the most tragic thing to happen this year
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3. |
Tulips
03:17
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There is a necessary physical aspect of love
And I’m not talking about sex in any way, shape, or form
I’m talking about being able to fill my lungs with your hair, feel your skin, and taste your lips
I’m talking about love sparks
The static I feel when you run your fingers across my stomach
And it’s the absence of that physicality that makes my heart ache in ways you’ve never known before
Because I can hear your voice but I can’t feel you
And I can look at every picture of your sunshine eyes
But darling, they won’t give me the same warmth
And if I can’t hold you, how do you expect me to hold myself together?
I’ve got insomnia but at least my dog does too
And I can’t fall asleep when I’m wondering about you
It’s the loneliness that gets the best of me
I swear to God that it’s the loneliness
Now I spend too much time staring at the screen
Hoping someone will show up and show some interest in me
But honestly, I’d much rather let these sleeping dogs lie to me and tell me I’m not so lonely
Constantly idealizing and idolizing an idea that I’ve conjured up in my head
And made it out to be something that’s reality, when in reality, it was just wishful thinking
Now I don’t have someone to put their forehead to mine and tell me I’ll be fine
Someone to say, “I’ll be there, I’m not going anywhere,” and so on and so on and so on…
At this point, I’m an extra, a body in the background
Someone to take up space and take the place of empty scenery
If I keep playing a secondary character, I’ll never forget how to be sad
And I find that I keep asking myself,
Why would I want to love these people when they’re all liars, they’re cowards, they’re fakes
And most of the time, they’re all of the above
But these are the ones I’ll keep chasing after
Hoping eventually they’ll change, but I won’t get my hopes up
I kiss you until your tongue was numb and our lips were chapped
I would hold you close
I could make the flowers bloom for you, but I won’t
Darling, I’m sick but I won’t admit it
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4. |
Glutton
02:46
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We all sit on a cloud of lies
Ignorance is bliss with hazel eyes
School halls, concrete walls
Submit yourself to collect your wealth
Politics is a money game
Politics is money and fame
Eat the rich, build a brick wall
Live your life, watch the world fall
We’re all dying here
Heaven, what will you do when you’re six feet under the ground?
Your expensive won’t get you far
All your clothes, all your shoes
Lose your phone and find your soul
All the lies, all the cheats
All the fakes that make their way to the top
And you disregard everybody else as you play God
In the clouds, looking down
Play your games and watch them drown
Your mind is vile
You’re a wolf in sheep’s wool
You’re a catcall and an offer of a cocktail
Then you’ll do what you want, because daddy pays the bail
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5. |
Adrift
01:24
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I want to disappear
I’ve wasted all my years
I’m terrified to close my eyes
In fear of what I’ll see
A soul hiding behind bones
Watching as this body I call mine
Moves through life
Always breaking down
The aching heart inside his chest grows cold
Afraid to fall in love
Because he knows the sin that lives deep within his brain
I’ll make you miserable
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6. |
Three Clicks
04:55
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This is what it feels like
My body’s going cold
God, was I not meant to be one of your sheep?
Left to live life in anxiety
Cause I keep hurting myself when all I want is peace
Make good choices, he said
Your regrets will haunt you in the end
You think you know me, but you don’t know what I do
So don’t tell me how to cope with what I’ve been through
Because I’ve had a family and a God that’s loved me my whole life
But a heart and mind full of strife
Lonely fights, those same long drives, panic attacks, and random cries
And it just didn’t seem worth it that night
Keep your head above water
Don’t let your demons drag you down
I’ve got more life left in me
Than I let myself believe
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7. |
Disdain
05:49
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You put me in a cage and locked the door
You put me away, now you're not even in my life
I'll let the smoke fill up my lungs
Because my body is a wasteland
And I'm giving up
Now your mind shuts out all of our six years
While your words of love now fall on his ears
Now I'm learning to live with all the damage you dealt
Maybe I wouldn't have thought about killing myself
If I had left
I got by placing blame and pointing fingers
You tore me down when you said you were behind me
Take me away from this place I've been mistaken
It was all those long drives and office-filled nights that I thought were my therapy
But really they were just distracting me from looking into the mirror
And seeing emptiness echo inside of my eyes
My disdain for you should have been disdain for myself
Even though I was the one who put your picture face down on the shelf
I would never analyze the lies that I told to you and that I told to myself
And it was always out of fear of realizing
That I'm tired of being a ghost and haunting your name
Because the truth is I was the sinner and you were the saint
But I would never tell myself I was the one to blame
Maybe I'm to blame for my lack of love
Maybe I'm at fault for my own downfall
You took the fire from my heart
You stole the dreams from my head
You gave me these dead eyes
But I'll claim these scarred legs
Your edges are scattered in my dreams
You're off my heart, get out of my head
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8. |
Kitchen Hands
04:34
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I miss my mother’s kitchen hands
I miss that place in front of the sink we used to stand
When I moved out of home, I was looking for myself
And all I found were cigarettes and pulling books off the shelf
I miss those small talks with my dad
We weren’t all that close, so it’s really all we had
And he said, “Son, one day you’ll be a man”
Well God I hope so, that’s the plan
I know you miss me
I know you want me back, mom
I won’t come back home
Annie, I’m sorry that I don’t come home every night
I know you’re waiting there for me
I miss the warm hours
I’ll buy my mom flowers if I could feel at home
Run your fingers my hair
Tell me you wish I was still there
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9. |
Altar Call
04:27
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No one sees it, no one understands
I guess I'm all alone with no one to hold my hand
I'll stick to my bed and my heavy head
When it comes to things that you don't understand
Even my PIN number is haunted by the memory of you
Pumping gas, getting coffee, and buying food
All the love letters and sweaters I'd never wear
Now stuffed in the back of my closet hoping out of sight out of mind holds true
I hate that I still write songs about you
I hate that a year later you're still in the back of my brain
I hate that you'll listen to this and remember all the pain we caused each other
But we didn't know any better so who's really to blame
I want so badly to kiss you again
See if your taste has changed like your hair
God save my soul
Lord break my legs
Don't let me leave until I'm dead
Reaching for bones
I'm reaching for dust
Reaching for hope
I'm not reaching for us
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10. |
Allora
05:11
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I've got sin in my head, I've got sin in my chest
I've got sin in my veins, I've got sin in my brain
God save a sinner's mind
I guess there's no room in the back of your brain for a burnout
For your best friends, for his birthday
Hold me close, don't let me go
You were the sunrise outside my window
You've got sin in your veins, you've got sin in your brain
You've got sin in your head, you've got sin in your chest
God save a sinner's heart
I tried rinsing my lips with every other girl's spit
Because I was tired of tasting like you, abused
My body is a wasteland
Cigarettes help me forget all the problems with my head
Cigarettes help me forget all the things that make me wish I were dead
Cigarettes and smelly clothes are okay with all my friends
But is this where I thought I'd be one year ago?
Blacking out, throwing up, and sleeping all day
Four walls, whatever you call these nights filled with smoke
All I wanted was love, but all I got was lust
That left me broken, and now I'm throwing my first through the wall
I'm just a body breathing in your bed, spending the night inside of my own head
Loneliness was the ghost in my apartment, and you were right there beside it
My friends were beside me to fight it
I won't let these ghosts haunt me
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Homesick Huntington, West Virginia
Ben Miller - Vocals/Guitar
Veronica Stanley - Guitar
Charles Chambers - Bass
Blake Viars-Wilks - Drums
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